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Who is the “Non-Existent Boyfriend”?

At several points in our lives, we meet some men that we like instantly! Something about the way he walks, speaks, dresses, touches us or even the job he has, turns us on in the most incredible way. Unfortunately, that like we have for these men never flourish into love, (or anything for that matter), and we become disappointed for the 853rd time. A huge part of our disappointment lies in the fact that we don’t (sometimes) recognize the men we like for who they are. I’m not talking about recognizing his character or personality, I’m referring to understanding and truly knowing the position he holds in our dating life. We don’t take the situation for what it is and more importantly, for who the guy really is. This guy I’m referring to, is what I like to call the Non-Existent Boyfriend. By my own definition, the Non-Existent Boyfriend is a man in which a woman expects to function as a companion regardless of title, significance or emotional presence in her life. Basically, the Non-Existent Boyfriend is not a boyfriend at all. He’s the man you wish would take on certain emotional responsibilities, however, there’s no mutual agreement, connection or understanding between the two of you, but you still see otherwise.

Here’s the thing: When it comes to dating, (the initial stages at least), it should be extremely easy and stress-free. Dating is supposed to be experimental and based on a trial-and-error theory. This means, you’re allowed to date more than one man at a time, you don’t have to make uncompromising commitments and you’re even allowed to weigh your options between the man you want to move forward with and the man you respectfully keep as a friend… (imagine that!?) So if it’s that simple and uncomplicated, why do our desperate attempts at closing the deal always fail and make that “special guy” just another Non-Existent Boyfriend? Believe it or not, it has nothing to do with sex or the sweet nothings he tells you. The reason why the guy you’re dating is the Non-Existent Boyfriend is because he hasn’t asked you to be his woman, yet you’ve probably created this imaginary idea of the two of you being frisked away to a far away land forever and ever. Those weird ideas play on your psyche and eventually manifest in your behavior.

Don’t be confused.

You may go out on dates with your Non-Existent Boyfriend (not a lot), have good sex from time-to-time (probably not even that good) or indulge in pleasurable phone conversations (more like 10 minutes), but those things don’t stand up in court when it’s time to make the final ruling. If you’re the girl that’s in need of a title after some time has passed (and by “time” I’m referring to a few months), then that’s a personal preference. But be clear—he will always be your Non-Existent Boyfriend until stated otherwise and your only job , and I mean only job, is to enjoy the ride and encourage mutual respect for one another while you date.

That said, be responsible in your thoughts and behaviors when you meet a new guy that you like. You can’t let fly-by-night feelings turn a man into someone he shouldn’t or can’t be in your life. Your Non-Existent Boyfriend is simply the guy you’re not dating very seriously and if it’s hard for you to accept that,  don’t fret. You’ll get the hang of who these kinds of guys are very soon.

Your favorite blogger (and “Crazy” coach),

Toni

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