Your past is a part of you. It’s a part of your emotions and as far as I’m concerned, your emotions go wherever you do. HOWEVER, putting the emotions from your past hurt onto a guy who has nothing to do with it, is a surefire way for you to say some crazy shit!
While most single women on the dating scene are looking to land a good catch, they may be the very reason why the good catch comes along… and then it’s gone! If you are that single woman, then I’m talking to you! Your story goes like this: You meet a guy, you engage in a few conversations and then you say some off-the-wall stuff relating to your past that sends your Non-Existent Boyfriend heading for the back door.
The craziness I’m talking about is not what you may think. If you think I’m referring to the “classic crazy” speech like, “I’ve had enough from my past. I’m looking for a husband and a soulmate and if you’re not him, goodbye!” you’re wrong! The crazy shit I’m talking about is what you pass off as normal. It’s the words that come from a place of past hurt and you’re not even aware!
For example, if you’re getting to know your Non-Existent Boyfriend and he asks the most overly used question, Why are you single? You HAVE to know how to respond in a way that doesn’t sound crazy or bitter. Responding with things like, I don’t think the man I want exists, Because men are dogs, Men don’t know a good thing when they find it or Men don’t seem to want what I need right now, makes your Non-Existent Boyfriend think the root of the problem is YOU! Even worse, he’ll think you’re crazy and hurt for spewing out negativity in a seemingly harmless conversation.
Another form of looking crazy from your past hurt, is demanding or dictating when your Non-Existent Boyfriend should see you or take you out, because the last guy you dated didn’t! Uttering comments like, This Friday I’m free so if you’re trying to do something, let’s do it, sounds ridiculously insane! Or even better, I think now is a good time for us to be seeing each other again because I don’t want to go through what I went through last time! suggests the same type of foolishness.
For one, no Non-Existent Boyfriend on this planet should be coerced into taking you out. If he wants to court you, let him have free reign in how he’ll do it. If it takes him 3 whole weeks to do it after meeting you, then by all means, make your final speech and peace out. However, there should be no crazy timeline on your end while getting to know your Non-Existent Boyfriend or a situation where you’re forcing another date because YOU said so. A guy who means you well will take you out enough, want to see you frequently and will make sure he’s showing the right amount of interest. The moment you begin reflecting on past experiences and making comments that suggest he shouldn’t be like the last guy, your Non-Existent Boyfriend will slowly dismiss himself.
Last but not least, DO NOT DISCUSS YOUR PAST RELATIONSHIP ABOUT A GUY WHO CHEATED ON YOU OR BROKE YOUR HEART! You’ll have all the time in the world to vent about your past, so there is no need in giving away information to a man you’re getting to know. Your Non-Existent Boyfriend will see it as a turn-off and think you’re crazy for telling a stranger (because after all, he is) all about your past drama.
There are things you say that show your emotionally hurt past, and in the end, it makes you sound crazy. While you are NOT here to walk on eggshells while you’re dating, you still don’t want to be responsible for great guys walking away because you couldn’t control your crazy “Woe is me” speeches. Make it known that you have standards, but not in a way that shows you’ve been badly bruised while making comments that aren’t thought-out.
Your favorite blogger (and only “Crazy Coach”),