Names, places and time periods in emails have been altered for the sake of privacy; those are marked with an asterisk
*Vicky, Macon, GA (06/24/19):
I met my Non-Existent Boyfriend in person *at a bar; we exchanged numbers. We began to have phone conversations everyday. Our phone conversations spanned anywhere from 30 minutes to 7 hours. We went out a date *at a local restaurant before even knowing each other *for a few days. We went out on our 2nd *date to the movies and it was great. Soon after our 2nd date, my new Non-Existent Boyfriend stopped answering my calls and responding to my texts. What used to be extended responses were now very short. (i.e. a thumbs up or “OK”)
I thought this time was different for me because I finally met a guy that I liked in person and we had real life conversations, not just text messages.
I don’t know what to do!
“Controlling Your Crazy” Advice:
I know it sucks that you met a nice guy and things seemed magical; I’ll keep my advice honest and clear so you make the right moves moving forward– cut him off. Now I say this very modestly, but I mean it. Let’s make a quick comparison. You go to a job fair, get sought out by a manager, hand him your resume and he likes what he sees. He calls you in for an interview; you do well and move on to phase 2. You get called in for interview number two, and this potential job looks like it’s a promise. After some time passes, you hear NOTHING from the manager You send emails and make phone calls, but you keep getting the run-around about your status with the hiring. Now, why would you want a potential boss like that? If something seems strange, it’s because it is!
The same thing goes for your Non-Existent Boyfriend. If he can have, (what you consider), great phone conversations with you and cool dates, but disappears, he’s not the one to hold on to. I tell women ALL the time, “Don’t try to figure out the ‘why’, in terms of ‘why he’s acting different’. Figure out the ‘what’ in terms of ‘what you’ll do to make a clean exit without going crazy.’ I never spare feelings for a guy who’s attempting to go ghost, (because that’s what he’s doing), and neither should you. If you’re getting the signals that he’d rather be doing something else besides talking to you, don’t waste your pretty time. You need a guy that is here to keep it real and be a man about keeping up with his communication efforts. In terms of your next move, follow his pace. Do not initiate texts or phone calls and see how he responds. You’ ll get all the answers you need from him based on his lack of communicating. And if he decides to reappear and pick back up the pace, make sure your work life and social life take the front seat! Control Your Crazy and politely let him know that your new schedule won’t allow for inconsistencies.
Your favorite blogger (and only “Crazy Coach”),
Email your crazy story to ControllingYourCrazy@gmail.com. Leave your name (or alias) and the city and state of where you’re from in the subject line.
Subject: Toni D. from Los Angeles, CA